Drown Him by Derrick Brown

I wished I hadn't yelled
at you. I never yell. That
specific brand of drink
made the bullhorn light up.
You were trying to be
funny. I was trying to whisper
in blue siren, in small dynamite,
in crimson teeth. I
thought his throat was dead,
suffocated in the stomach orchids.

It never died. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
my father's anger is mine.
As scared as you looked, this
is as I have always been. I have
been set straight by it. I know
it would happen. I pretend it keeps
dying. how many funerals?

I walk fast at night. Something is
coming. Coming to take me.

I can't have kids. Loud kids.
I don't want to get into bed,
close my ears, and pretend
to die every night, and
pretend it died, every
night, and is finally over.